Attachment can be defined as a humane tendency to create close relationships. However, the term originally means the deep and long-term bond between a baby and its caregiver (e.g. the mother). The first two years of human life (age of 0 to 2) are considered as the period to form the attachment. It’s important for infants that the attachment is assured and stable. Due to any instability, puberty, adolescence and adulthood can be affected greatly.
There are so many conditions for a secure and stable attachment, but the most important ones are touch and eye contact. Today, we are not going to talk about attachment in infancy, but how to fix the issues that occurred due to childhood attachment problems that result from an unstable attachment in infancy. In other words, we’ll give advice on “repairing” the attachment in childhood.
Fathers mostly interact with their babies through active and physical games, while mothers’ ways to bond with them are based on closeness and compassion. Although there can be exceptions, babies form bonds with their father at an early stage as well.
A Component of Secure Attachment: Touch
Touch is one of the most important stages of attachment. The bond that the touch provides stimulates the hormones physiologically and increases trust psychologically. Therefore, caressing your child’s face, hand or hair should be a big part of bringing it up.
A Big Step for Secure Attachment: Falling Asleep Together
You can be by your child’s side while they fall asleep. Falling asleep together symbolizes a big step toward forming a stable attachment. You can try it with your child from time to time.
The Must of A Good Communication: Making Your Child Feel Understood
Children want to be understood. The parent or the caregiver should make the child feel understood, to assure the bond between them. To make this happen, you can ask them open-ended questions, such as; “What was the hardest thing for you today?”,” What made you happy the most today?”. After these questions, you can have a conversation with your child on these topics.
The Indicator That You Care: (?) Paying Attention to Your Child
When your child asks for it, try to give all of your attention to them. Be generous about it. When they talk, make sure to look them in the eye. Re-express what they told you about with your own words. Cause this is going to show them that you think through it. If you are on your phone or computer when you start having a conversation with them, take a break for a while. This way, you’ll be taking another step toward a stable bond and your child will be able to feel that you care about them.
Sine Qua Non for A Stable Attachment: Providing A Sense of Trust
If you are not able to make time for your child when they need you or want something from you, you need to clarify when you’ll be able to keep your word. Knowing that their caregiver keeps their word is such an important thing for a child. Remember, for an attachment to be secure firstly, we should avoid behaviors which damage that assurance.